"You're really walking? Like, with your feet?"

I've been thinking a lot lately.

About the people I miss now, and the people that I will miss once we start.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about Jess and Whit, and how time, space, and my laziness has pulled us apart. Or Kristina, who I've known since...before we were born. These people that I relied on to get me through the crazy times before college. The people that know my family inside and out, know me from my ugliest and most embarrassing moments.

There are those people that come up occasionally. It would be one of those horrible TV Shows..."What happened to...Lindsay Messemer, Mary Drungo, Sarah Allen, etc. etc."

I don't talk them anymore. I think of them all the time, and have the conversations in my head that I would have if I could just take the time to pick up the phone.

The same is true with a number of people at Webster. For whatever reason they are not as close in my life as they once were, and that makes me sad.

It makes me realize how much will change being gone. If things change while I am here, what will happen when I don't see people at all? I will have Matt, Lauren and Jonathan, of course, of which I can't be happier, but there are people that we are leaving behind. Their lives will continue to exist without our physical presence in them; they will go on changing and growing. Will our lives grow even further apart?

I wish I had enough time and a big enough heart for all the people I think about.

And just think, of all the people we meet along the way. We will, literally, walk in and out of their lives in such a short time. How quick and momentary. We met a biker on the street today walking to church, and he is but a couple of minutes in time. But I remember his enthusiasm about our journey, and the bike he was riding, and the excitement he had in his eyes as he thought about if he could do something like this. "I bike ten miles a day..." he said.

We met people yesterday as well, walking down to the Loop, about a 12 mile roundtrip journey. I was surprised at how friendly and open everyone we encountered was. I think the only rude thing that happened was actually in the Loop, when two clowns kept honking hand-held horns at us because they couldn't see the group of prom-goers getting off a bus to go in a restaurant. Our backpacks were too tall.

The people that seemed to be the most inclined to talk to us were teenagers. Uninhibited, nothing to lose, curiosity lapping at their tongue, they'd stop us on the street and be blunt. "You're really walking? Like, with your feet?"

Yes, we plan to walk with our feet.

And our feet held up, walking that much yesterday. Socks that contain no cotton and are completely synthetic work well to keep the sweat and friction low, leaving less opportunity to blister. Breathable shoes helped too.

But, back to where I started, there are people that I miss now, and people I know I will miss, and that's a lot of missing to do. If I don't say it later, let me say it now.

I love you, and I miss you.

Don't Quit

It might be a bit of an understatement to say that things haven't been the best around here lately. We're all stretched pretty thin with school and work and family responsibilities, that just finding one hour for us to all get together and catch up has been nearly impossible. Rather than another long diatribe and what I'm anxious about today (which is pretty much everything), I thought I would share this poem. It's a sappy one, I know, but it came to mind today when I was swimming laps and thinking about everything that seems to be working against us right now.

Don't quit when the tide is lowest, for it's just about to turn;
Don't quit over doubts and questions, for there's something you may learn.
Don't quit when the night is darkest, for it's just a while 'til dawn;
Don't quit when you've run the farthest, for the race is almost won.
Don't quit when the hill is steepest, for your goal is almost nigh;
Don't quit, for you're not a failure
Until you fail to try.

I was talking the other day to Webster's Director of Residential Life, Mr. John Buck, and he made a very good observation for me that I hadn't thought of until he said it. What he said was that, for us, this walk has already begun. We've started it. Maybe not literally, but in our minds, we're already on the journey. Realizing that has been a big help; I think just because it makes it easier to know that it's not always looming over our heads as a "it's coming!" sort of thing, but that's already here. For some reason, that's strangely comforting to me.
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On another note:

We finally have a way to make donations possible! Our website now has a "Support Us" tab, with directions of to whom a mail a check or money order may be mailed. We've posted more of our route, and this weekend we're going camping for the first time as a group. Let's hope we can all learn how to use the backpacking stove, or else we'll all be eating berries for dinner....

I received my REI membership card in the mail today.

Our Light

Over the past summer I had a very philosophical and romantic conversation with a friend about our lives. As we lay on our backs and stared up at the abundance of stars in the night sky, we realized that long after we are gone, somewhere out in the giant universe our light will continue to travel. By our light I mean the light that is reflected off of all of us. It's a light that was created by the sun, has been reflected off of me and has been traveling the universe for 21 years now.

Recently, while studying for an astronomy exam I found this in my book:
Light always travels at the same speed, so your own light (light that you emit or reflect) is always moving ahead of you at the speed of light. All other observers will also see your light moving at the speed of light–and because it is moving ahead of you...

In regard to the tragedies that have been occurring around the world in the past few days (especially within my circle of friends, Virginia Tech and the bombings in Iraq) the conversation with my friend continues to come to mind. To me it's a kind of reminder that, if nothing else, we will have permanence somewhere in the universe.

The Two I Met

This evening has been a success! I met two very cool people this evening and feel more confident about our trip now more than ever.

While running late to my 5:30pm documentary class (nothing new) I had remembered that documentary director, Frank Popper (Can Mr. Smith Get to Washington Anymore?) was guest speaking. Now perhaps you've never heard of this fellow, but I was totally thrilled. I've been trying to see his documentary about politician Jeff Smith, since I first saw a flyer forever and a half ago. It seemed that every time I made the effort to see the film in theaters or at a school showing something would come up and prevent me from seeing it. WELL NOT TONIGHT. Not only did I see the film, but met the director. I must say...to get such positive feedback about our endeavors from other documentarians is a real honor and energizer. Sometimes I feel as though I AM too close to our project already and need to take a step back just to realize what the four of us have done so far in our planning. Yes, we're behind with some details, but we're learning as we go and that's what's important. We really have come quite a ways in our planning...it's just that we're taking on America and it's a pretty big bite.

The second cool person I met this evening was Debbie Schachner. I have to thank Rachel Davis for sharing an article from the Bellville paper about Debbie and her walk across America. She has been walking on and off for a few years across the American Discovery Trail to raise money to build a library in Kenya. Visit her site at www.walkingwithfaith.com to learn more about her and her adventure. It's truly humbling to read about an individual who has devoted so much of her life to a cause that she is very passionate about. Debbie supports herself financially and all of the donations she receives go toward the fund for the library, which I believe is amazing. I spoke with her over the phone tonight and got completely tongue twisted.

It's a very odd feeling...talking to someone on the phone who is doing something out of the ordinary that you yourself will be doing very soon. I suppose that between Frank and Debbie, I have finally realized that my summer plans are...yeah...walking across the United States. lol. I can't really believe that I've typed it this long and it's only now sinking into my brain.

I had so many questions lined up to ask each one of my new friends and yet couldn't really get anything out. I'm simply in awe of what some people do with their lives. I can't wait to meet more and listen to their stories.

Please, if you get a chance...rent Frank Popper's Can Mr. Smith Get to Washington Anymore? and visit Debbie Schachner's website www.walkingwithfaith.com

On a lighter note...(or, Earnest Confessions)

I have a confession to make. Two, actually. The first is just embarrassing; the second is a real concern.

The first one is this: I never learned my states. It's true. I'm terrible at geography. I'm not exactly sure why this is - maybe I skipped that day in fourth grade. Except I can actually remember having to learn all fifty states and their capitals, and I remember that I wasn't very good. We actually spent a month or so on the subject (it's hard to gauge time like that now; when you're young, a month can seem like a year) and the teacher would make us stand in front of the entire class as she pointed to each state and we had to name it and its capital. The weird thing is, my memory works in very odd ways. There are certain movies I only have to see once before I can practically recite them, and memorizing entire Shakespeare monologues for school plays never seemed to bother me. My states, though, (and my multiplication tables, but that's a whole different story) for some reason just didn't come naturally to me.

Since then I've never really had a desire or an interest or a need to learn them, and despite a few embarrassing moments in my life there's never been a time when I've felt that I've really needed to know them. So I don't. I would say that I know about 20 out of 50 confidently, and yes, Illinois is one of them, thank you very much. Really, that's pathetic for a 21 year old soon-to-be college graduate.

Obviously a need to know my states, and know them well, has arrived. It's time to stop being a lazy citizen and make myself work to learn something I should have learned 11 years ago.

So that's my first confession, and my first goal before we leave: to learn my states.

The second confession is, as I said before, more of a deep concern. See, we're beginning to learn very quickly that backpacking isn't about how small you can get things to fit inside your pack but how light everything you carry is. Long-term backpacking like we'll be doing calls for you to only take the lightest and most essential gear and supplies to sustain yourself. Naturally the things that enrich your body come first - good clothing, solid first aid kits, water, food and so on. This leaves very little room for things to enrich your soul - like books. I really love to read, and I've been getting so excited to be taking so much time off from school and T.V. and other things because it meant I could really enjoy some good books.

The real problem, and deeper confession, is this: I'm a huge Harry Potter fan, and anyone who doesn't live in a cave knows that the 7th and final installment of this series releases in July at a point in which I have no idea where we'll be or what we'll be doing. I'm also guessing that it's going to be a pretty heavy volume, so I can't imagine how I'll be able to carry it around.

I know Katelyn and Lauren also read Harry Potter...I don't know if they're as enthusiastic as I am, but maybe we can work something out where we all take turns carrying it? After all, we're a team and we're supposed to be supporting one another. Toting each other's heavy books around should fall somewhere in that category.

Then again, I wonder if we're even going to have time to read anything. Jane McKinney told us that she usually reads two books a week but on their walk she was too tired to do anything but sleep at the end of the day. Wow. Too tired to even read. I can't even fathom that sort of exhaustion. Still, I hope that somehow, someway, I'll be able to have time for it. I don't know if I can wait until December to find out what happens to Harry.

So those are my two confessions. I know one is pretty sad and the second is kind of nerdy, but I don't care. These are things I'm worried about, in the midst of everything else.

Pain in the knee

After an exciting weekend of buying my backpack at REI on Saturday with tons of help from Danny, the store manager, and walking to and from church Sunday, my Monday and Tuesday have stunk.

Sunday afternoon, after getting back from church, my knee started bothering me. I didn't think too much about it at first, there have been knee twinges since the beginning of March before our big ensemble dance peformance. I thought it was just tiredness, and needed a little time to recuperate. As the night went on, it grew increasingly more stiff. By the end of the night, I was in a lot of pain. My hope was that a good night's rest would solve it all. But I woke up the next morning and could barely walk. I took double the dose of ibuprofen for the pain and to reduce the swelling I could feel. I try to rarely take any medication, but I couldn't stand the pain anymore. I sat out both of my dance classes and signed up to see my dance doctor. I had rehearsal last night for another show I'm in at the beginning of May, and couldn't dance that either. I sat with Janele, my best friend and the other person in the duet, and our choreographer Tara, and cried. Tears of frustration, anger and pain.

Matt, Lauren, Jonathan and I met after my rehearsal, and we worked on routes somemore. We worked a bit on Idaho, but didn't get very far. The three of them prayed for me, and stayed while Jonathan massaged a tight muscle and tendon on the outside of my leg that my dance teachers thought was related to the knee problems.

I met with my dance doctor this morning at 10. He kept me for about an hour.

He looked at my knee and saw that it was swollen, so he used acupuncture to reduce the swelling. I've never had that done before, and it was definately a different experience. He put the needles in both of my knees and lower legs, then attached a special electromagnetic thingy to send electricity through both legs. He left me like that for about 25 minutes. Then he came back and started massaging different parts of my legs...there is a lot of tightness in my lower and upper leg. He released a lot of muscles everywhere, from my foot to the middle of my back. Jonathan's massaging the night before has loosened a little, but there was still a lot left to do, and still pain from it.

I have to go back on Friday for more muscle work.

Dr. Bill doesn't have a specific diagnosis or problem...there is a misalignment in my foot and some problems in my hip. The pain is just centering around my knee. I have to have a couple of more sessions with more releasing to help it. I'm not allowed to dance for the rest of the week until I see him Friday. I can do warm-ups and simple excercises to keep it from stiffening up.

I told him about the walk, and he didn't say anything about me not going or not being healed up in time. He suggested we go to the New Balance by the Esquire. He goes there frequently and they know there stuff.

There is still a possibility that Friday, if things aren't going well with my knee, that he might say that it wouldn't be in my best interest to do this walk. He did say that I should be well enough to perform BFA for the beginning of May.


I'm scared...

Matt sent me this verse this morning:

"Strenghten the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who are of a fearful heart, 'Be strong, do not fear! Here is your God, He will come with vengeance, with terrible recompense. He will come and save you.'" Isaiah 35.3-4